Guns for Hire
by Persiana13
Summary: In pursuit of Ridley and a rouge Metroid, Samus finds herself in the Marvel Universe and forcing to team up with an infamous mercenary. Insanity ensues!
1. Chapter 1

**Guns For Hire **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Nintendo and Marvel. _

Chapter 1: Pursuit of the Prize 

Samus Aran, the premiere bounty hunter in the galaxy, had just survived her latest encounter on the planet of the Metroids. Having exterminated the queen, Samus explored the lair and discovered a Metroid hatchling. The hatchling thought Samus was its mother and immediately began following around the bounty hunter. While Samus realized she had a job to do, to exterminate such a young hatchling like this was cruel and unnecessary. She figured that a space research lab would be just right for the Metroid; she could get paid, and not have to be a mother at the same time.

As she brought the Metroid in a containment pod to her ship, Samus said,

"All right, squirt; listen up. No talking, no listening to music, and, if you vomit all over the interior of my ship, I will shove my missile launcher so far up your…wait, where would a Metroid's ass be, anyway?"

She examined the energy-based life-form and shrugged,

"Whatever. Let's just say, squirt; I'll hurt you real bad."

She put the Metroid hatchling in the seat next to her, and took off in her ship.

Along the way, Samus was listening to an old tune from Earth. She was singing,

"_The jig is up; the news is out; they've finally found me; the Renegade; who had it made…" _(1)

As she was singing, an evil looking creature was spying on her from far away. The creature was Ridely, a part pterodactyl, part dragon monster. He was in command of a group of space pirates, who looted on-coming ships. Ridley decided to follow the ship and see where it headed.

Samus docked her ship on the science station, and brought the Metroid hatchling to the lead scientist. The scientist was quite pleased with what Samus brought him and said,

"Very good, Miss Aran. As such, your payment of ten million space credits will be transferred to your account immediately."

Samus smirked underneath her helmet,

"Nice."

She started skipping away back to her ship,

"I think I'll take a little vacation. I heard there's this nice pleasure planet that I'm dying to soak in their famous hot springs."

Samus got back in the ship, and the bounty hunter took off.

It was not long into her day dream of hot springs and being able to relax that she received a distress call from the science station. She looked on her viewing screen and glared darkly,

"Ridley."

She turned the ship around and bolted back to the station,

"That son of a bitch is dead when I get my hands on him. I've been hunting his winged space ass for months!"

Samus docked the ship and proceeded inside. Several other space pirates got in her way, but she vaporized them with her blaster. She then accessed the computer and noticed Ridley in the science lab. She hurried there as fast as she could.

Once inside the science lab, Ridley let loose a stream of fire at the bounty hunter. Samus dodged it and returned fire with her missile launcher. A few hit, but Ridley had what he came for. He flew out of the space station, letting loose with his fire breath. Samus pursued him in her ship.

In the distance, the station exploded, but Samus' ship was in near hot pursuit of Ridley.

Just then, the two disappeared in a bright light.

**Meanwhile, on Earth 616… **

"Wow, and I thought I made a mess in my bathroom after all you can eat bean burrito night!"

That voice belonged to none other than Wade Wilson, the infamous Deadpool. He was known by many as the Merc-with-a-mouth, a master of swords and guns, his seeming lack of sanity, his-.

Deadpool knocked on the camera,

"Hey, no need to be insulting."

**Cut! Wade, I'm listing your credentials and being a bit descriptive about your many…talents. **

Deadpool folded his arms,

"You could have describe my awesome physique, how I bench press telephone booths every day."

**Do I look like I'm writing a gay romance novel, Wade? **

Deadpool blinked,

"Are you?"

**I might, with you and Wolverine as the stars. **

Wolverine enters,

"Oh, no, bub. You ain't getting' me involved with this freak."

**Old man, if you don't get out of here and come back when it's your cue, I'm going to call the writers of that Marvel Superhero Squad show and tell them to make your character so girly-girl, Miss Marvel will be braiding your hair. **

Wolverine swallowed,

"You wouldn't dare?"

**Would I? I have their number on speed dial. **

The feral Canadian bolted as fast as he could. Wade grinned,

"Nice."

**Shut up, Wilson. Now, remember your lines and…ACTION! **

Wade grinned,

"Now, to claim my prize."

He walked down the hall, slipping by all the blood and body parts left in the trail of destruction he had left behind. Inside one of the vaults of the secure bunker he was asked to infiltrate, he pulled out a box. The Merc-with-a-mouth shrugged,

"I don't know who my buyer is, but he better pay a lot for-."

Suddenly, there was a large explosion outside. Wade blinked,

"Hey, that's not one of mine!"

He ran out of there with box in tow.

Outside of the command bunker, he saw an alien looking ship. It was really Samus' ship, but the mercenary did not know that at the time. Wade exclaimed,

"Holy Roswell, Batman!"

The hatch opened and out stepped Samus. She looked around,

"Where am I?"

Next Chapter:

Deadpool and Samus talk, fight, interact, and explain each other out.

(1) This is a song by Styx. It's called Renegade.


	2. Chapter 2

**Guns for Hire **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Nintendo and Marvel. _

Chapter 2: Bounty Killers 

Samus looked around, scanning the area with her visor,

"I don't recognize this planet. It's not on any registered star charts."

Deadpool blinked,

"Wow, and here I thought the Martians were little green men with big eyes."

Samus looked down and studied the sight of Deadpool,

"Who are you?"

Deadpool spoke as though the Metroid bounty hunter were a child,

"Do…you…speak…English. En-glish?"

Samus blinked,

"What?"

Deadpool gasped,

"It speaks! It has learned English by sucking out the brains of humans?"

He whipped out two automatic pistols,

"DIE, MARTIAN SCUM!"

He began firing. Samus jumped high and curled into a Morph ball. She thought to herself,

_What the hell is this maniac doing? Well, might as well… _

Uncurling herself, she switched on her missile launcher and fired a missile. The shot exploded, sending Deadpool flying. He shouted,

"Whee! Look at me, ma! No hands!"

He then crashed into a boulder,

"Ow."

He pulled himself off and looked at his guns. They were broken on impact. Deadpool shouted,

"That's it! No 'Alien' reject destroys my weapons and gets away with it!"  
Pulling out his swords, he charged, shouting,

"HERE I COME TO SLASH YOU NOW!"

Samus shook her head,

"This guy's insane."

Switching on her ice beam, she fired it. The beam froze Deadpool up to his head. The semi-sane mercenary gasped dramatically,

"The aliens are going to suck my brain out! Help!"

Samus shook her head,

"First, I'm not an alien. I'm a bounty hunter."

She removed her mask and revealed a round, red-headed young woman. Wade smiled underneath his mask,

"Wow, you Martians are sure hot!"

Samus scowled,

"OK, first of all, I'm not a Martian. I'm a human. Second, I came here in pursuit of Ridley and get the bounty on his head. Third…YOU ATTACKED ME!"

Deadpool blinked silently. Samus asked,

"Is any of this sinking in?"  
Wade responded,

"Wow, the Martian language sounds a lot like English."

Samus groaned out loud,

"I cannot believe I am doing all this to get to my hot springs. Ugh!"

She began storming off. Deadpool called out,

"You're not gonna just leave me here, are you? Pretty Martian lady? Help?"

Deadpool sighed, then realized,

"You know something; it's nice and warm out. I'll just wait until nature takes its course and…"

He then heard a bear's roar. Said bear was a black bear coming over near the iced Deadpool. Wade saw the bear turn and sat with its back toward him.

**Some distance away… **

Samus was walking through the forest, scanning the area. She shook her head,

"Ridley could not have gone far. I know he's here somewhere. I just have to scan the mountains and…"

Just then, she heard an ear-piercing shrill scream, followed by,

"No, Yogi! You are not smarter than the average bear! No! Never!"

The Metroid hunter shook her head,

"That idiot deserves whatever the bear is doing to him. Still, I do feel sorry…"

She then looked in the camera,

"For the bear, stupid."

**Cut! Samus, why'd you look at me when you said that? **

Samus folded her arms,

"I heard about your rep, how you're an insane fan fiction writer."

**What else is new. Just get back to your lines. **

Deadpool, off camera, whined,

"The bear just made a big mess all over me!"

**Ugh, whatever. All right, clean up the set, cue the bear, and…ACTION!**

Samus sighed and went to help Deadpool, even though she knew she was going to regret it later.

**Back with Deadpool and the bear… **

Deadpool was running for his life,

"Help! Bear!"

He climbed a tree and teased,

"Hah! You can't catch me! Bears can't climb trees!"

His celebration was short lived as the bear began climbing the tree. Wade groaned,

"Oh, come on!"

He swan dived off of a branch and fell to the ground head first in an attempt to evade the bear. He whined,

"Ow. Pain."

Wade then could hear the bear approaching.

Just then, Samus fired a Spazer beam, warding off the bear. The bear retreated into the forest.

Deadpool looked up,

"My hero!"

He went up to hug her, but Samus pointed her blaster at him,

"Touch me, and I will vaporize you."

Deadpool grinned,

"Oh, I love it when a woman plays hard to get."

Samus groaned,

"I need your help on this planet to find Ridley. So, let's go!"

She began dragging him away from the ship. Deadpool sighed happily,

"Cool. We're just like Bonnie and Clyde, or Sonny and Cher."

Samus thought to herself,

_The things I do for hot springs. _

Next Chapter:

Samus and Deadpool begin their search for Ridley. Insanity Ensues!


	3. Chapter 3

**Guns for Hire **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel and Nintendo. _

Chapter 3: A Huntin' We will Go! 

Deadpool and Samus were on their way through the woods. According to the ship's computer, Ridley was heading somewhere in the mountains. Wade asked,

"So, we're hunting this Ridley and his huge hemmeroid, right?"

Samus growled,

"No, you idiot. We're hunting Ridley and the Metroid he stole from the space lab. They paid me good money for that thing."

Deadpool blinked,

"Wait, there's money in Metroids?"

Samus nodded,

"Yep. But, I wiped out the species. It's the last surviving member of its race."

The sword using merc smiled at that,

"Really? Well, I'm sure there's a certain stretchable scientist that might be-."

Samus used her grapple beam and caught Deadpool. She pulled him close and glared through her visor,

"It's mine. Touch it, and I will vaporize you."

Deadpool shrugged,

"Been there, done that, sweetheart."

He grinned underneath his mask lecherously,

"But, I could vaporize that armor of yours and see you naked."

This comment caused Samus to pile drive Deadpool head first into another boulder, which was coincidentally just in her reach. Deadpool's neck cracked as he said,

"Ow."

Samus shook her head and began jumping up the mountain, gaining exceptional distance and height with each jump. Deadpool looked up, still adjusting his neck,

"Wow. I'm in love."

Quickly, he scrambled up the cliff side.

As the two were climbing, Ridley was looked out of one of the cave crevasses. He growled to himself and, setting the Metroid down, began to plot.

Deadpool and Samus got to a ledge where they could safely look around at the view. Samus was in awe,

"Earth is an amazing sight."

Wade crassly remarked,

"So's your rack."

At this, Samus fired off a missile, attempting to hit the Merc-with-a-Mouth. Wade dodged it and laughed,

"You missed-!"

A second missile fired and hit near Wade, causing the ledge underneath them both to collapse. Deadpool began falling to the ground, hitting everything from rock ledges, branches, even a live raccoon on a cactus, until he fell on his back. He moaned,

"Oh, this cannot get worse."

A large boulder fell on top of his head. He groaned,

"This is worse."

Samus, who had fired her grapple beam, was looking down from a branch she had grappled on to. She chuckled,

"You know, he is pretty funny."

She flipped up and continued climbing.

**Meanwhile… **

Ridley had to get the Metroid out of here and he also had to get in contact with the other Space Pirates. Earth was ripe for the picking, and he was not going to let this gem be taken from him. He quickly peered out of the cave to see how far the two bounty hunters had gotten to his hide out.

Unfortunately, as he did, Ridley was fired upon by Samus. Samus shouted,

"You son of a bitch! Give me back my Metroid!"

Ridley only responded by flying in the air and unleashing a fire breath attack. Samus rolled out of the way, jumping high and curling into a ball. Ridley began to swoop down and tried to bat the Metroid hunter with his tail. Samus avoided the attack, uncurled herself, and opened fire in Ridley's underbelly with several missiles. Ridley screeched and broke off, circling around to go again. Samus switched on her super missile and fired one. Ridley ducked underneath it and saw it explode. He turned around and began another swoop attack.

Deadpool looked up at the leader of the Space Pirates and blinked,

"Wow, that guy is just as ugly as Sauron."

He pulled out a rocket launcher he somehow kept in his pants. Deadpool fired it and nearly it Ridley. Ridley looked down at the red and black clad person and made a bee-line for him, unleashing a stream of fire.

Deadpool dodged it, shouting,

"That's a-spicy meat-a-ball!"  
He pulled out his swords and stabbed the alien in his legs. Ridley let out a screech and hissed at Deadpool. Wade winced,

"Dude, don't they have breath mints on other planets? I mean, surely you've heard of mints right? They make your breath all minty and delicious and…did I say minty?"

Samus charged up an energy beam,

"Deadpool, get down!"

She fired a super charged shot and it hit Ridley. Ridley launched his fire blast directly above Samus, causing an avalanche. Samus jumped up in the air, but one of the boulders hit her and pinned her underneath. Deadpool had a mass of boulders fall on him.

Chuckling to himself, Ridley returned to his cove and grabbing the Metroid, flew off, leaving our two bounty hunters buried alive.

Next Chapter:

The chase is on!


	4. Chapter 4

**Guns for Hire **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Nintendo or Marvel. _

Chapter 4: Buried Treasures 

Samus blasted her way out of the rubble. She rubbed her helmet,

"Damn you, Ridley. You are not making me miss out on my hot springs and that bounty."

Deadpool yanked himself out of the boulder, severing several of his limbs in the process,

"Ow, that hurt."  
His limbs started to grow back as Samus landed. She winced and said,

"Doesn't that hurt?"

Wade shrugged,

"Not really. I go through a lot of limbs, if it's a good year."

Just then, new arms and legs shot out of the old ones, making the Metroid hunter gag,

"Gross!"  
Wade stood up,

"Mmm! That's good limb work!"  
Samus shook her head,

"Whatever, Wade. We need to find that space pirate and get back my Metroid!"  
Deadpool scratched his head,

"Don't pirates have eye patches, wooden legs, and a parrot that they talk to? Your Ridley didn't have any of that when he fired on us."

Samus groaned,

"Don't you shut up?"

Wade shook his head,

"Not while I'm awake." (1)

The Metroid hunter muttered,

"A situation I hope to rectify soon."

Deadpool stroked his arm around Samus' waist,

"Oh, come on, baby! We're goin' pirate huntin'! That means we need a ship, and a crew, oh, and we need big cannons."  
He stared at Samus' chest,

"Well, we got the cannon. Man, do those things fire M-80s?"

Samus shot a plasma beam at the Merc, putting a hole through him. Deadpool looked down at the big cavity in his chest and said,

"Ow."

He promptly fell over and through a large rock. Samus grunted,

"Idiot."

She headed back to her ship.

Once at her ship, Samus repaired her armor and recharged her weapon systems. She checked the scanner and got a small heat signature from Ridley's fire breath. He was heading north, into an area called Canada. Samus shook her head,

"Why didn't I stay awake during history class?"

She figured her ship would be picked up by radar, so she decided to head on foot. It was not far, and she did have the super speed in which to make it. She emerged from her ship and saw Deadpool standing on it, the wound through his chest completely healed. He grinned,

"Hey, babe. Want to hoist the mast and set sail?"

Samus said in a deadpan tone,

"We're walking."

Deadpool moaned,

"Walking? That sucks! I mean, we got this really neat space ship and all its fancy weapons. We can make Ridley go boom with it!"  
The Metroid Hunter snarled,

"I'll make you go boom if you don't shut up and start following me. My scanners indicate that Ridley is north of here."

Wade became worried,

"Scanners? As in you're scanning my brain?"

Samus shook her head,

"Don't worry; you weren't listed as an intelligent life form, so there would be no point in scanning you."

Deadpool screamed at the top of his lungs,

"NO! YOU TOOK MY BRAIN!"  
He pulled out a rocket launcher and fired at Samus' ship, blowing it up. Samus was stunned. One could see steam exiting the vents on her suit. She was furious.

Deadpool grinned in triumph,

"Hah! No more will the Martians suck brains out with their brain sucking machine! I am Wade Wilson, god amongst men, hero against the Martians, savior of-."

He was immediately shot with a beam of ice, followed by a super missile. Deadpool comically shattered to pieces and muttered,

"Everybody's a critic."

**Meanwhile…**  
Ridley had flown into the skies of Canada and was setting down, trying to come up with a plan. He shuddered in the cold weather and, as he looked around, the Space Pirate thought he had cleared away from Samus.

However, there was something he did not expect to see. Or here.

SNIKT!

"Hey, bub."

Ridley turned and saw a man in yellow tights, with three metallic claws coming out of each hand. His name is Wolverine, member of the X-men. And, he was mad.

The feral mutant grunted,

"All right, ya walking carry-on luggage; let's dance!"

Next Chapter:

Deadpool and Samus meet up with Wolverine and fight Ridley. Chaos and pain ensues!

(1) X-men Origins: Wolverine reference. Could not resist.


	5. Chapter 5

**Guns for Hire **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Nintendo and Marvel. _

Chapter 5: Free for All 

Samus muttered to herself,

"I can't believe that moron blew up my ship! Did he have any idea how much I invested in that thing? It's my baby!"

Deadpool was limping behind. His favorite rocket launcher was destroyed, and he was beaten to a bloody pulp. As they were walking through the forest, Wade started singing out,

"_Oh, I wish I was an Oscar Mayer wiener_…_That's who I'd really like to be_!"

Samus turned around,

"Will you shut up? Ridley could hear us!"

Deadpool shrugged,

"Oh, please. Ridley's just an overrated bad guy, like Graviton, or Dr. Doom. Besides, he has your steroids, right?"

Samus glared through her visor,

"For the last time, it's called a Metroid. Not a hemorrhoid, not a steroid, not an asteroid; a Metroid. So…GET IT THROUGH THAT SKULL OF YOURS!"  
She added,

"By the way, you're paying for my ship."

Deadpool grinned underneath his mask,

"No sweat, babe. With the money Ridley's worth, I'll have it paid back before you can-."

Suddenly, a loud echoing scream could be heard. That scream belonged to Ridley.

Samus instantly recognized it,

"It's Ridley, all right. But, I haven't heard him scream like that unless he was in pain."

A second scream, or more precisely a feral roar, was heard following Ridley's scream. Deadpool clapped his hands excitedly,

"Goody, it's Wolverine."

Samus asked,

"Who's Wolverine?"

Wade grinned,

"Oh, just the most over-rated character in all of Marvel Comics. Besides me."

Samus blinked and had to wonder about the state of Deadpool's sanity at times. She thought,  
_Marvel comics? What's that? _

Deadpool drew his swords,

"Charge!!!"

He bolted through the snow to where the battle was taking place. Samus shook her head,

"Might as well."

She used her super speed and chased after Deadpool.

**Meanwhile… **

Wolverine embedded his metallic claws into Ridley's stomach. The leader of the Space Pirates yelled in pain, dropping the Metroid. The jar containing the Metroid fell harmlessly in the snow, while the energy-based life form peered out of its containment.

Ridley got some distance and fired his flame breath. Wolverine dodged it and sliced through a tree, knocking the tree down on Ridley. Ridley batted it away with his tail and went into swipe with his talons. Logan rolled underneath them, but was hit with the tail swinging wildly. He got thrown to the ground hard, his face getting scraped from the hard snow and ice. The feral mutant uneasily stood up, the cuts and scratches on his face starting to heal. He growled,

"All right, bub. You asked for it."

Logan stood up and charged right at Ridley. Ridley saw the Metroid hatchling still in containment and tried to go for it. Wolverine leapt onto Ridley, clawing his way to the space pirate's back. Ridley screamed and tried moving around erratically, attempting to get Wolverine off of his back.

A loud voice clamored,

"KILL THE BRITISH! FOR SCOTLAND!!"  
Deadpool, doing a pretty remarkable impression of Braveheart, charged in, swords drawn. He leapt at Ridley and slammed both katanas into the pirate. Ridley shrieked in pain and began thrashing about, writhing in pain.

Samus finally arrived and, after securing her Metroid, fired a super missile at Ridley. Ridley dropped to the ground, crushing both Deadpool and Wolverine. Logan grunted,

"What the hell is this thing?"

Deadpool pulled himself out, or, at least, everything from the waist up,

"Yeah, I beat Ridley! I can claim the reward!"  
The Canadian mutant groaned,

"Wade, if this is one of your hot chocolate and cheese filled jalapeno highs again, I'm going to shove these claws so far up your-."

Samus pointed the cannon at Wade,

"No one's claiming this reward but me. He's mine!"  
Deadpool shouted,

"Oh, really, Hemorrhoid hunter? What are you going to do about it?"

Samus curled into a morph ball and planted a bomb next to Wade. The bomb exploded, causing the Merc-with-a-mouth to get blown clear across the valley, into a large pine tree. He groaned,

"Ow."

Logan stood up,

"Nice one, bub."

Samus turned around,

"I'm not a bub. I'm a chick."

She removed her helmet and shook her red hair out. Wolverine grinned,

"I've noticed."

Deadpool staggered back, his legs beginning to grow again,

"Hey! I saw her first!"

Samus pointed her cannon at Deadpool,

"Don't try it, pal. I'm taking Ridley and the Metroid…as soon as I get a ship."

Logan asked,

"What happened to yer last one?"

Samus shrieked,

"CURLY HOWARD OVER HERE BLEW IT UP WITH A ROCKET LAUNCHER!! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH A BABY LIKE THAT COSTS ME?!"

Wade shook his head nonchalantly,

"What, you're still mad at that? I guess you would be, considering it was a Martian device sucking people's brains out."

The cannon user glared,

"Do I look like a Martian to you? Do you see me with green skin and big eyes?"

Wade shook his head,

"Uh…maybe…if you took the rest of the suit off."

He then realized,

"Unless it's a containment suit you need to sustain yourself from the inhospitable conditions of Earth!"  
Logan said evenly,

"Wade, she has her helmet off."

Wade blinked,

"Oh, yeah. Right."

Wolverine shook his head,

"If you wanna get rid of Wilson, I usually cut his throat out."

Samus shook her head,

"He just grows body parts back. I mean, how do you put up with someone so annoying?"

Wolverine shook his head,

"I don't."

Just then, the feral mutant's senses hit overdrive. He said,

"That thing ain't dead!"

Sure enough, Ridley's body began to stir and, in a moment, was on its feet. Deadpool groaned,

"Oh, come on! This sucks big time!"

Next Chapter:

Wolverine, Deadpool, and Samus vs. Ridley!


	6. Chapter 6

**Guns for Hire **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Nintendo or Marvel. _

Chapter 6: Super Awesome Fight Chapter! 

Deadpool groaned,

"Finally, the reason the fan fiction readers even bother reading this thing in the first place."

**I heard that, Wade. You're becoming about as over-rated as Wolverine. **

Wolverine rolled his eyes,

"Is he seriously that over exposed?"

**Yep, with what, five books? A poster book? Hell, even a possible movie deal in the works. **

Deadpool pulled out a pair of sunglasses,

"Oh, yeah! Hollywood loves me!"  
Samus shoots Deadpool,

"Come on, Wade! I wanna fight Ridley!"  
Ridley barked something.

**Yes, Ridley. You'll get a treat when you're done. Now, places and…ACTION!! **

Ridley roared furiously and fired his fire breath attack at the three. Samus and Wolverine rolled out of the way, while Deadpool jumped high. He pulled out a machine pistol and opened fire,

"DIE, YOU DRAGON HEART REJECT!"  
However, the bullets harmlessly bounced off Ridley's thick skin. Ridley countered by swinging his tail at the Merc-with-a-mouth. Wade was sent crashing into a tree, snow cascading down on top of him.

Wolverine roared in, claws unsheathed. He jumped and stabbed Ridley in the chest, causing the Space Pirate to scream in pain. Ridley tried to get away, thrashing his tail about. Wolverine ducked and thrashed at Ridley's legs. The Space Pirate took to the skies, hoping to throw the little man off. Deadpool emerged from the snow bank, shouting,

"No one snows me out of my reward!"  
He ran as quickly as he could and jumped, latching on to Ridley's other leg. Ridley was being weighed down and tried desperately to shake them off.

Samus aimed her blaster at Ridley. She smirked,

"Bullseye."

She launched a super missile at Ridley, which hit directly. Ridley began a tail spin back to the ground, Deadpool and Wolverine going with him. The Merc-with-a-mouth shouted,

"Oh, man! I didn't even change my underwear after the last time."

Suddenly; everything went black.

Samus woke up from her dream, shaking her head,

"Wow, that was weird."

She noticed she was in her hotel room on a lush, tropical planet with a sparkling beach. Samus was in an orange bikini as she remembered,

"I must've fallen asleep or something. But, how?"

She could not seem to remember much, but she did know she wanted to go to a planet with hot springs. Samus, putting on a robe, trying to keep some decency, walked to the front desk and asked,

"My room's been paid for, right?"  
The attendant nodded,

"Yes, Ms. Aran. According to this, you arrived yesterday."

Samus nodded,

"Thanks."

She walked back to her room and activated her comm-link. She said,

"Science Station, do you copy? This is Samus."

The voice on the other end said,

"Ms. Aran, so good to hear from you. Is something the matter?"

Samus asked,

"I did bring you that Metroid sample, right?"

The scientist said,

"Yes, and without incident. We'll be able to study this young specimen for years to come."

Samus nodded,

"Thanks, doc."

She hung up and sighed,

"Well, now to enjoy m hot springs."

As she began to leave, her comm-link went off again. It was the Science Station. The voice screamed,

"Help! Ridley's attacking!"  
Samus groaned out loud,

"I am never going to enjoy my hot springs at this rate."

She suited up and headed out.

Samus then saw a white flash. She looked up and saw Deadpool and Wolverine standing above her. The Merc-with-a-mouth said,

"Think those are real?"

Samus pointed her cannon at Deadpool's manhood,

"Don't even think about it, buster. Not unless you like doing the potty dance without 'em."

Wade covered his privates, pleading,

"Not Mr. Happy! He hasn't done anything to you…yet."

Logan grunted,

"Don't bother, lady."

Samus rubbed her head,

"What happened?"  
Deadpool explained,

"Well, after we all crashed, Ridley's tail smacked you in the forehead, knocking you out."

The Metroid hunter shook her head,

"I was knocked out? I must be getting rusty."

She took her helmet off and touched her head. She could feel a bump and a cut.

Instantly, Wolverine gulped. He never knew that a ruthless bounty hunter like Samus was such an attractive red-headed young woman.

Samus stood up,

"Well, I suppose I should be thanking you."  
Logan shook his head,

"No problem. We cleaved him up; and his head's over there."

He pointed to the head, which was decapitated. Samus grinned,

"Great, now I can get him, the Metroid, and get off this planet."

She then realized,

"Except, if my ship weren't blown up."

Deadpool shrugged,

"No problem; we just let Reed Richards build you a new one. Just work out a trade."

At this, Samus blinked,

"You want me to trade? What do I have to trade that's so valuable?"

She then looked at Ridley and the Metroid. She then said,

"Oh. I'll give him Ridley."

**Later… **

After talking with Reed Richards, the stretchable scientist Mr. Fantastic, Samus was sitting in a hot tub, armor off. She sighed happily to herself,

"This may not be a hot spring, but I definitely could use this to unwind."

Deadpool grinned,

"Can I join?"

At this, he was promptly skewered by Wolverine and thrown out of a window. Samus smiled,

"Thanks, stud."

She stood up and Logan dropped his jaw in shock. He never imagined Samus would look so hot in a blue bikini. The Metroid hunter winked,

"Come on in; the water's hot."

Outside, Deadpool was in the street. He groaned,

"Oh, come on. This fan fiction is me teaming up with Samus, and Wolverine gets the girl. That's it! I'm writing my own fan fiction about me, and it's going to be the awesomest work ever! Why you ask, readers? Because I am…DEADPOOL!!!

End of Guns for Hire


End file.
